iDont's (iphone etiquette at a wedding)

Anyone that knows me knows I LOVE… LOVE… LOVE my iPhone!  Honestly, how did anyone get anything done before this thing was invented?  It’s like a personal assistant that can also take great pictures and share them with all my friends on the spot.  We’ve become and information society and that’s great in a lot of ways, but there are also limitations and weddings (and other life moment events) are at the top of that list!  I really recommend leaving it in the car.  But if you need to have it on you in case a patient or the kids call, here are some basic rules to follow.  I know they seam like common sense, but trust me I am speaking from experience.  We are so used to being attached at the hip, we all forget sometimes.

• Mute your phone!  Pretty basic but so easy to forget to do.  Check it twice.  Even if you have it on vibrate, if it goes off during a quiet moment (usually the most emotional), people are going to hear it.
• Don’t take a call unless it is essential!  If it’s during the ceremony, we define essential as life or death, and by that we mean life or death! 
• Pictures!  We all love phone pictures and I have been at weddings where every other guests has iPhones out, up in the air, stuck into the aisle, where ever they can get the shot.  I have seen guests stand up, kneel into the aisle, you name it.  If you must take pictures, please be discreet!  First off, it’s distracting to other guests.  Secondly, there are professional photographers hired by the couple to capture the day.  A long shot of the vow exchange from the back of the room with 100 iPhones in the air is…… Well, you get my point.  The other important thing to remember is the photographer is there to get those shots, do not get in their way to grab a quick phone image.
• If you do take photos with your phone, don’t post them to social media without the couples permission.  Let them be the first to post pictures from their big day!
• It’s so easy to just pop onto facebook to check what’s going on with all your friends.  RESIST!  Keep your phone in your pocket and enjoy the friends, old and new, you are spending the day with.

So put the phone away for a bit and enjoy the day.  It can all wait a few hours while you spend some time laughing and conversing with Aunt Betty.  Of course, I don’t think anyone will mind if you pull it out for a ‘selfie’ with your best friend that just got married.

Tip:  Here’s an idea we love shared by a father of the bride.!  Once the couple is at the alter, the officiate is going to going to welcome the guests and welcome them to take pictures for the next couple of minutes, then ask them to please turn off their phones so everyone can fully focus on the joyous moment they are all there to celebrate. 

How to Set the "Bar" for Fun!

We were recently asked by a bride how to figure out how much beer and wine they would need for their wedding and we thought what a great blog topic!  Unfortunately, there is no set answer to the question but we can definitely offer you some guidance.  

Alcohol can be a budget buster, so you need to take a serious look at what you are willing to budget for the bar and how to get the most for your money.  Let us start out by saying, we understand you want your friends and family to have fun, but you should not feel obligated to go into debt so the party can go on forever.  Be realistic when calculating what you can afford to budget.  Once you have a budget set, work with your bartender to make your bar offerings fit into the budget.  Trust us on this; we have seen “open bar” tabs that would make your jaw drop and your checkbook jump from the nearest cliff.

How to figure out how much you should serve:  See the first of our tips below!  A professional bar service will be able to work with you to fine tune your beverage needs.  We realize a bartender may be an extra cost, but they are worth every dime for a number of reasons.  The standard for ordering liquor is 3 to 4 drinks per guest for the reception.  But there are a lot of variable that can affect this.

• If you are serving light hors d'oeuvres instead of dinner, people tend to drink more.
• If your guests are staying on-site, plan on them drinking more.  If they just have to walk upstairs, no reason not to have some fun.
• If you have a live band and dancing, it’s going to be a party atmosphere, which may lead to more drinks being served.
• You know your friends.  If they are ‘drinkers’, defiantly take that into account! 

Bar Service / Budget Tips

• Hire a Bartender: We strongly recommend hiring a professional bar service.  First off, they are know the ins and outs of liquor costs and will be able to help you fine tune your bar to fit your budget.  Secondly, they will keep your guests safe by watching for over-indulgence and addressing it properly.  They can also open and close the bar at the times you specify.  Be aware that for liability reasons, many venues require a professional bar service.
• Top shelf vs. Well Liquor:  If you are set on a full open bar but are worried about the budget, consider 2^nd tier liquors.  You can save significantly per bottle while still serving a full bar.
• Signature Cocktail:  This allows you to still offer a cocktail option, but to fine tune and manage your budget costs by controlling exactly what liquor you will be serving.  You can tie to cocktail to the wedding theme, your favorite color, his favorite sports team, or just about anything else.  Your professional bar service can work with you to create the perfect cocktail for your big day.  There are some fabulous Montana distilleries offering wonderful liquors.  We believe in keeping it local whenever possible.
• Beer and Wine: This is a great way to keep you budget under control.  Offer a red and a white wine and one or two beer selections.  Keg beer is less expensive than cans or bottles.  Montana is rich with great local breweries.  Treat your guests with one of Montana’s tasty locally brewed beers.
• Set a start and end time for bar servicereception and stick to it:  As we said before, you want your friends to have fun but you are not obligated to have an open bar into the wee hours of the morning.  Set a defined start and end time for your bar service and your professional bartender will stand by it. They are used to closing bars and will do it courteously and professionally.  Another great reason to have a professional bartender. 

Photography by Marcus Fulton
Drinks mixed by Headframe Spirits

What to Wear!

We get this question from couples and guests alike.  Over time, the definitions of dress have blurred a bit so it can get a bit confusing, especially when you get to the less formal looks.  Personally, we believe in dressing up to celebrate such an important day.  A wedding is not an everyday gathering and we think it’s appropriate to express the importance of the day. 

A few things to consider…..

• We love a man in a jacket and tie.  Sure you might feel like you’re overdressed but you can always loose the jacket and tie.  Better to be a bit overdressed then underdressed.
• Women should consider the venue when picking shoes!  That pair of Christian Louboutin’s is perfect for a resort wedding but you’re going to have problems at a tented wedding on natural ground.  Also, keep in mind some ski resorts have snow decks which are metal grids so the snow can melt.  Heels are a very bad choice in this intance. Not only are you going to ruin your shoes, you might just break an ankle.  Our suggestion if you are wearing heels…throw a comfortable pair of flats or sandles into you bag.  Better to have them if you need them than to suffer the entire wedding. 
• Black tie and Formal are pretty much defined looks.  For Montana Formal and and casual, take into account the couple getting married. You know your friends and should be able to guage the dress based on their personalities.  When in doubt, overdress.  You can always throw a more casual look in the car and change if you feel you really overdressed.  Something to keep in mind is even if your friends are pretty casual, their parents and extended family will be at the wedding and we think its nice to let them know you appreciate the importance of the event. Personally, we always love to see that couple that seizes the opportunity to celebrate their friends big day by dressing up. 

The Looks

Black Tie: 

A black tie event is very formal dress and there is really not a lot of leeway.  If you are not in a tux or gown, you will be underdressed.  It’s a clearly defined look.

Men – Black Tie means tuxedos and a black tie, generally a bow tie.  Tuxedo style is up to you, but we love a classic shawl look.  Timeless, clean, elegant, sophisticated and classic.  A nice pair of black shoes should complete your look.  If you do not have, or cannot get a tux, at the very least you should wear a dark suit and dark tie, preferably a bow tie.

Women – Gowns are the appropriate attire for a black tie event.  This is the type of event where you can really dress up, all the finery from earrings to your shoes. If you cannot get a gown, wear your most formal dress.  If you go short, you are going to stand out so keep that in mind.

Formal: 

Even though ‘Formal’ is a dressy look, there is still some room for personal interpretation.  Men can vary shirt color, ties and shoes and women can dress it up or down with jewelry and shoes. 

Men – Suits are the expected dress at a formal event.  Dress it up with a colorful tie if you like.  Dress shoes to match your suit.  At the very least, you should wear dress slacks, dress shirt, a blazer and a tie.

Women – A cocktail dress is appropriate for a formal event.  If you don’t wear dresses, a dress suit is also acceptable.  Wear shoes appropriate for the venue.

Montana Formal: Semi-Formal

Montana Formal can be all over the place, but we definitely have our thoughts on the look.  It should not be confused with casual.  Montana Formal is still dressy, but with a fair amount of room for personal style. And if you have a trophy buckle…by all means wear it!

Men – We have seen Montana Formal all over the place, but in our professional opinion, the proper attire would be slacks or nice jeans, a dress shirt, blazer and tie.  Western cut is fine.  Dress shoes, boots, or casual shoes are appropriate.  Cowboy hats are acceptable. Though we consider it a bit underdressed, slacks or jeans with just a blazer or just a tie is acceptable. 

Women - We prefer a nice dress, whether it’s the versatile little black dress or a colorful sundress.  We see lots of girls in fun dresses and boots at these weddings.   Boots, casual shoes or dress shoes are all appropriate.  We also see women in Western wear (jeans and a dress western shirt), which in most circumstances we consider a bit underdressed.

Casual

Casual is really all over the map.  We recommend taking into account where the wedding is being held and your friend’s personalities as guidelines. 

Men and Women – Even though it’s casual, you should still look nice.  If you are wearing shorts, make sure they are hemmed and not cutoffs.  If you are wearing jeans, make sure there are not holes in them.  In our opinion, t-shirts are never really appropriate for a wedding.  A nice collared pullover is a great option.  Shoes suited for the venue or location are appropriate. 

Hearts & Thanks

Working with families planning weddings is a real privilege.  It’s an important day, one of the most important; the beginning of something new but also the continuation of and growth of family.  Two become one, both as a couple and as family. 

This is not to say it’s always an easy process, because as we all know, just because its ‘family’ does not make it easy.  Ask any Bride, Mother, or wedding planner if you don’t believe me!  But ultimately, what makes family so precious is no matter what was happening a few minutes ago, when the chips are down, when the rubber hits the road, they are there with you.  I am often asked about the most important piece of advice I would offer in planning a wedding.  It’s this…embrace those around you!  Forgive the past and look to the future. Begin this new chapter fresh and bring all that are important along with you.  Love and forgiveness sometimes come hand in hand.  So reach out, embrace, hug, cry, laugh and enjoy! 

Now I want to take a moment to say how important my family, actual and extended, are to me.  It’s a busy world for all of us, and it’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day.  I am lucky enough to see some of them on a daily basis, while others are far away.  But what I know is whether far or near, they are all there for me.  To write it down and realize it, “they are there for me”, it’s really an amazing thought, the idea of unconditional love. So to all of you I say Thank you!!  Thank you for being there, for loving me, for allowing me to love you, for bearing with me, for forgiving me, for accepting me and for allowing me to be part of your life.  Thank you!!  I know I don’t say if often enough, but it’s important for each of you to know how important you are to me.  Love to you all!!!

Even After All These Years!

           

Sometimes it’s easy to take it all for granted, the place in which we find ourselves, the people that surround us, the bliss that is ours to grasp.  As I sat on my deck the other evening mesmerized by the changing big sky giving way to a grand finale of the sunset, I experienced one of those moments of extreme clarity and gratitude for the place in which I find myself.  It had been an amazing weekend of exploring new places, walking along a river and later into the mountains with those I love and surrounded by alternating blue sky as vast as can be imagined and thunderstorms building and breaking apart.  I was lucky enough to find a huge clump of bison fur on a private ranch and a beautiful small piece of obsidian along a trail, to enjoy the tiniest wildflower and the mountain that held it.  I realized, as I stood surrounded by all this beauty that even after being here for 20+ years, I can never take enough pictures, never find a lens wide enough to capture it all.  It’s still as inspiring and breath taking and fulfilling as it was when I first moved here.

How could it get better you may ask.  If the landscape is the fabric of Montana, the people are most certainly the tread that binds it together.  I am lucky to have a job that takes me out into the folds of the state, down the dirt roads, into the small towns, and onto the ranches, large and small.  Meeting with people that gauge their devotion to the land in generations, who talk about water and cattle and rattlesnakes before deciding where to put the wedding tent.  Enjoying a burger at the local bar with a beer sent over from the rancher down at the end just because I drove out to help with Hank’s daughter’s wedding. Chatting with the bartender about horses and elk and the dog sleeping in the middle of the doorway…just where he sleeps, most people don’t seem to mind.  They are people who stand up for each other and tell you what they think, even if it’s not what you want to hear.  And when someone walks in and announces there’s a nice sunset, everyone steps out, beer in hand to take a look, because no matter how long you’ve been here, you can never see enough Montana sunsets.